Saturday, June 20, 2009

Say a little prayer for me

I try to keep this blog upbeat and inspiring. I hardly mention anything personal here, unless it's an adventure I've been on, like the beach or a vacation. But my on going attempt to be a positive person is being tested right now.

After a few months of having what I thought were canker sores in my mouth, I finally went to the Dr. I had done some research before I went and some of the things I learned pushed me to go to my physician. After her examination of my mouth she told me that I needed to go have a biopsy because what I had were lesions and that they were or could be a precursor to cancer.

When a Dr. says the words cancer and biopsy in the same sentence it can send you for a loop, and that's just what happened to me. I could feel my lower lip start to tremble and that was followed by tears that welled up in my eyes and trickled down my face. As she kindly spoke to me, she reached over to the Kleenex box and handed me a tissue, her eyes never leaving mine.

She assured me that the test was to learn whether or not this was cancer, because if it is not, the treatment is steroids and antibiotics. She did put me on antibiotics right away, but explained that the steroids could mask the cancer, so she wanted to wait till the results come back.

She told me to think positively and sent me to the front desk. I tried to hold back the tears as I wrote out my check, and when the office manager asked me if I had a cold, I started to cry. She felt so bad, she made the Eyes, Nose and Throat Dr. appointment for me.

I cried for the next hour and read everything I could about oral cancer then cried some more. Then, drying those tears, I started to pray and have tried to replace the fear and worry with positive thoughts. I can't read any more information until I get the biopsy done and the results back.

Until then I'll be praying a lot and singing little chants of "I'll be fine!", "I don't have cancer!", "I'm going to live a long life!". I'm planning on making lots of clay today and listening to my favorite music.
Wish me luck and please say a little prayer for me.


grimsh said...

Prayers and hugs. Sorry you're having such a trying time right now. Keep the good thoughts going, and be sure to let us know how you're doing. I really enjoy your blog, even when things aren't going great. Lots of love.

Valerie said...

HUG HUG. It's difficult not to think about what the doc said but hang in there. It might really turn out to be something antibiotics can get rid of. Your polymer clay's waiting for you...

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